This week, we will look at complaints for the Male Team in "Race You to the Fountain of Youth: I’m Not Dead Yet (but parts of me are going fast) Laughing Your Way through Midlife" by comedy writers Martha Bolton and Brad Dickson. I must admit these don’t hit quite as close to home, but when I consider my husband’s aging issues, I get the point. Here are a few of the early warning signs that a man is aging.

• You watch "Brady Bunch" reruns, and identify with Sam the Butcher instead of Peter Brady.
• On your first date, the young lady tells you that you remind her of her father; only he is much grayer.
• The only place you can hear all your favorite songs is on the supermarket PA system.
• You allot an extra four minutes to get ready in the morning so you can shave your ears.
• You set your alarm for 4:00 a.m. to watch the infomercial for guys who are going bald.
• You gain twenty pounds in six months—all in your prostate.
• Men around forty start referring to you as "Pops".
• Instead of chocolate your last birthday cake was oat bran.

What men seem to hate worse than anything is going to the doctor. This is apparently such a huge phobia for men that a whole section of the book is devoted to it.

Many men find going to the doctor more frightening than going to war or watching "The View". They frequently blame illness on the wrong choice of food or beverage. At a wake, they will exchange knowing glances—"It was the bratwurst."

Men, over 40, recoil at the thought that their doctor may be younger than their underwear. Brad Dickson, however, claims he does get regular checkups—"every time the Comet Kohoutek makes an appearance or the Democrats win the White House." But he doesn’t trust doctors. They know stuff he doesn’t know. Furthermore, they have found innovative new ways to charge for services. Soon they will be charging a specimen-jar tax and a rubber-glove surcharge.

Patients must be aware that there are fake doctors out there. Some signs that your doctor may be a fraud include the following:

• He bought his stethoscope from a Gypsy.
• He uses a divining rod for diagnosis.
• He advises you to "smoke two Marlboros and call me in the morning."
• You sit in the waiting room for less that an hour and a half.
• Your nurse chews tobacco.

Losing hair is one ominous sign of male aging. When a man can no longer do a bad comb-over, he knows he needs a toupee. Regarding toupees, some are okay, but 99.9 percent are bad. The technical term for a bad toupee is televangelist.

Hey, I could go on like this for pages, but these are Brad Dickson’s jokes, not mine. If laughing yourself into old age sounds like a good idea, read "Race You to the Fountain of Youth" by Martha Bolton and Brad Dickson. You might as well go with a smile on your face.

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