Martha Washington was the "little lady" of the American Revolution. She is that little woman, barely 5 ft. tall, sitting beside George in paintings--a kind, short, plump grandmotherly figure. Relatively little is known about Martha as compared to Abigail Adams for instance. Abigail and John Adams left volumes of letters behind for biographers and historians to study. Martha destroyed the correspondence between George and herself before her death. She preferred their private life remain private. Because of that, much that has been written about her has been speculative or just plain wrong. Two misconceptions I had about Martha Washington were that she was an intellectual lightweight and that she had a loveless marriage.

In her recent biography historian Patricia Brady reconstructs the life of Martha Dandridge Custis Washington. Professor Brady does a service to history with this book. She paints a picture of a strong woman, a woman of substance, and patriot who knew her mind and her men. Martha Dandridge married for the first time at the age of eighteen. To marry Daniel Parke Custis, twenty years her senior, she took on his imposing father. Colonel John Custis IV was an autocratic, austere, unloving father, feared by his children. Colonel Custis had denied his young son permission to marry years before he met Martha. No way was he going to give his 37 year-old son permission to marry Patsy Dandridge, a young woman from a socially inferior family. Ms. Brady describes Col. Custis as "flying into a blind rage" and demanding "that his son forget Patsy Dandridge". (Patsy was a frequently used nickname for Martha in the eighteen century.) He even threatened his son with disinheritance. When Patsy was given a private audience with the Colonel, no one knew what transpired between the two; however, afterwards this unbending man allowed his son to marry her. Obviously, this was a courageous and determined woman.

Young Martha Dandridge Custis was no stranger to heartache. She bore Daniel Custis four children. Only two of them lived into adulthood. Her firstborn son, named after his father, died at the age of two of fever. Death was a frequent visitor in eighteenth century homes as was pregnancy. Little Daniel died ten months after the birth of his sister, Frances "Fanny". She would die just short of her fourth birthday. At about the time of Daniel’s funeral, Patsy became pregnant again, giving birth to Jack "Jacky". Jacky lived into adulthood and gave Martha her only grandchildren. He died unexpectedly at the age of twenty-seven. Martha’s last child, another Patsy, lived until she was eighteen, dying suddenly during an epileptic fit. Martha became a widow when her husband died three months after the funeral of their daughter Fanny. The loss of so many people, who she loved, probably accounted for Martha’s lifelong anxiety about her loved ones as well as her intense love for them.

Before George Washington married Martha, he had a serious flirtation with Lady Sally Fairfax, wife of a close friend. Abiding by the mores of the day, the relationship never went further, but George was deeply in love with Sally. When they met, Martha Custis was an attractive, wealthy widow. George was a renowned, striking bachelor but not wealthy. While fond of Martha, he was not madly in love. Martha, however, invited him back to her home immediately after their first meeting. Their relationship developed into a deep and enduring love. This was evidenced by his need to have her by his side whenever possible during the Revolutionary War campaigns. The soldiers who served under her husband loved Mrs. Washington for her fortitude and endurance. She stayed with them during the horrific winter at Valley Forge. She endured their hardships and became a source of strength and encouragement to them.

People, who came to know her, spoke of her warmth and ease with conversation. She had a knack for making visitors feel welcomed. More than just a loving wife, mother, and grandmother, Martha Washington was an intelligent, educated woman. She was deeply interested and knowledgeable about the political issues of the day and became her husband’s confidant and sounding board. Although preferring to retire to Mount Vernon, she supported his decision to serve as President, seeing it as their patriotic duty. She could, however, be unforgiving of those who attacked her husband and never forgave Thomas Jefferson for what she saw as his duplicity toward the President during his second term.

An accomplished woman of her time, Martha Dandridge Custis Washington lived for her "Old Man". After his death the light went out of her life. She died three years later in 1802. If you are interested in learning more about the woman who was truly this country’s "First Lady", check-out "Martha Washington: An American Life" by Patricia Brady.

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